Polyamory is kind of a complicated concept, and because our culture has been built on obligatory monogamy, people tend to disapprove without really understanding it. I think it’s a combination of fear of the unknown, feeling threatened, and subconscious prejudice. That’s fine, guys! I get it. But for us, it’s who we are, and all I ask is that you have an open mind.
(Or don’t! You are also welcome to judge us as filthy cheating skanks. It’s your prerogative to drown in negativity all you want. We’ll be over here, happy, healthy, and in love. Bye haters!)
If you’re still here, awesome. This is going to be a pretty boring post for any of you who are familiar with polyamory, but I just thought I’d talk a little bit about what it means to me, since it has a huge impact on how I live my life.
So… why poly? Well, for me, it’s just the way my brain is wired. I think people are endlessly fascinating, and getting to know all kinds of different people in various capacities leads to so much growth and exposure to new perspectives in the world. I never want to close myself off to new people or experiences.
Okay, so why be in a committed relationship, then? Easy. I want to build a life with Shila. I want to create a home with her. I want her to be my partner in every triumph, every failure, and every mundane moment in between. I want to come home at the end of my day to my wife, wherever that home may be. If I ever can afford to have children, I want to raise them with her.
But isn’t she enough? Yes. Yes, she is. Our relationship is satisfying in every way. I don’t need to date other people to feel complete. We don’t look outside our relationship to fix problems within it. In fact, we often don’t have the time or energy to devote to romantic or sexual relationships, between our jobs and our friends and our honest preference of spending every minute possible together.
Then why bother having an open relationship, if you’re so obsessed with each other? Because allowing interactions and relationships to develop organically is important to both of us as individuals. We are open to enriching our lives if new relationships naturally grow. Different types of chemistry can enhance an already fantastic life, imo.
But don’t you get jealous?? Yes! Of course! But we focus 100% on open communication and allowing ourselves to feel our feelings, which helps us take care of each other’s needs.
I’m so excited to talk more about all the different factors of being poly, and all the millions of different ways it can work! I know the idea makes a lot of people uneasy, which is exactly why I’m so open about it. Trust me, I don’t think anyone who needs to be monogamous should have open relationships. I’m not trying to make you join some sort of free love cult. It’s definitely not the answer for everyone! I’m just living my life the way that makes me happiest. (:
Basically, being in love with Shila doesn’t make other people less interesting, and finding other people interesting doesn’t detract from my love and devotion to Shila. I don’t see why it should be either/or. – Ryn