goals, ryn

why I want to lose weight

image (1)I’ve mentioned in a vague sort of way that two of my main goals right now are making better financial decisions and getting to a healthier place physically. I think when it comes to financial and physical health, both are tricky conversations to navigate, so I want to provide a little context.

Today, I have an interview for a second job*, and I feel really down about it. I need supplementary income.  I don’t make enough at my full-time job to pay my bills and pay down my debt.  I don’t have a college degree, so my prospects are pretty dismal. No one is going to pay me a living wage to do anything.

So, that’s not great.  But if I’m being really, truly honest, I feel such a lack of confidence because none of my clothes fit.

This is the side of gaining weight that body positivity conversations never seem to touch. I have a closet full of adorable clothes that I used to feel good wearing, and I can’t even try to squeeze into them anymore. But I’m also too poor to replace them.

Advice is always to get rid of clothes that no longer fit and learn to accept the body you have.  I would love to have the ability to do that.  In an ideal world where I’m not on the losing team of capitalism, I would improve my health solely to help my body feel its best and buy clothes that fit this higher weight.

But for me, fat isn’t the enemy. My biggest problem when it comes to weight gain is money.

So now, here I am, wearing borrowed clothes and feeling like a dumpster fire. You’re supposed to sell yourself at an interview, but I don’t even look like me. I look like someone who would wear a pencil skirt (hint: I’m not).

I love myself. I love my body. What I don’t love is my debt.

Anyone else out there experiencing this same frustration? Let’s figure it out together. – Ryn

 

* I actually KILLED at my interview. It went super well. That doesn’t change any of the problems I was venting about, but I feel a million times better than I did this morning.

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